Domestic and family violence entails destructive behaviours within relationships whereby coercive control and dominance are frequently used. These are deliberate and rarely isolated events, and over time the frequency and severity typically increase, becoming a pattern of constant control. Family violence means abuse that occurs in the family context, such as siblings, parents, children, grandparents, aunts and uncles.
Some forms of domestic violence that can occur include:
This can involve control through intimidation, anger, ignoring, extreme jealousy or not allowing the other person to make their own decisions. This can also involve threatening to harm or harming family pets, or withdrawing from the other person completely, withholding all affection and refusing to acknowledge the other person’s feelings.
Victims of emotional abuse often live in fear, feeling like a hostage where they are deprived of all choice and the perpetrator is “pulling the strings” all the time. As emotional abuse often takes place in secret and without witnesses, it may be difficult to prove and leaves victims confused, frustrated and experiencing self-doubt, often second-guessing their own experiences.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting directly targets the victim’s sanity by creating self-doubt, and fostering an atmosphere of “walking on egg shells” through constant undermining. Victims of gaslighting are often left with little to no self-esteem and confidence, and a compromised ability to judge or perceive “normal” behaviours.
Stalking
Stalking can include either written or verbal harassment, such as constant unsolicited telephone calls, text messages, emails or letters. Stalking also includes following, harassing or spying on victims in public spaces or at their home, work or school.
Verbal abuse includes using words and statements that emotionally damage or hurt the other person. This ranges from insults and name-calling to harassment and threats of physical harm or death. Emotional abusers will sometimes put down the victim in front of friends and family, or undermine their ability to parent in front of their children.
This includes a variety of violent behaviours such as shoving, hitting, pinching, slapping and pulling of hair. The deprivation of basic needs such as sleep, eating and drinking or taking away medication is also physical abuse. Acts such as throwing or kicking objects, punching walls and driving dangerously to frighten and intimidate victims, are all also forms of physical abuse.
Forcing the victim to have sex against their wishes, or forcing them to engage in acts of a nature which they are not comfortable with, including acts such as forcibly watching pornography. If a perpetrator is having unprotected sex with others outside of the relationship, it is also sexual abuse, as it compromises the physical health of the victim and may lead to them contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
Taking full control of all the finance or assets, therefore making the victim dependent on them, is financial abuse. This may also include forcing the victim to survive off inadequate resources, requesting receipts for spending, and controlling the victim’s own earnings and accounts. Perpetrators may also coerce victims against their will to sign for loans, credit cards or other financial transactions which will incur a debt.
This involves isolation from friends and family by monitoring and restricting contact, as well as abusing or causing the victim discomfort in public spaces, or lying about the victim to other people. Social abuse also includes control over the victim’s social life by not allowing them to have a life outside of the home and taking away their independence, such as not allowing them to visit the doctor or other medical professionals alone.
Spiritual abuse entails perpetrators controlling the victim’s beliefs by not allowing them to believe in or partake in specific cultural and religious practices and activities. This may also include forcing victims to follow a different religion, or making fun of religious and spiritual beliefs.
‘Cyber abuse is online behaviour that is reasonably likely to have a seriously threatening, intimidating, harassing or humiliating effect on a person.’
– Australian Government eSafety Commissioner.
For more information go to:
https://www.esafety.gov.au/women
https://www.esafety.gov.au/key-issues
Abuse of any nature is abuse, there are no excuses or explanations for it. Always remember, It is not your fault!
What are your rights?
- You have the right to be treated with love, respect and dignity.
- You have the right to be safe.
- You have the right to work, study and manage your finances independently.
- You have the right to privacy and personal space.
- You have the right to access services, such as medical, as you see fit.
- You have the right to make your own decisions and control your own life.
- You have the right to change your mind.
- Most importantly you have the right to say “NO”.
Some facts about domestic violence
- 72,000 women, 34,000 children and 9,000 men sought homelessness services in 2016-2018 due to domestic and family violence.
- Intimate family violence is currently the greatest health risk factor for women aged 25-44.
- 8 women a day are hospitalised after being assaulted by their spouse or partner.
- 1 in 12 women are assaulted during pregnancy.
- On average, 1 Australian woman is killed every week by a current or former partner.
(Source: AIHW 2017 and 2018, AYRE ET AL 2016. National homicide monitoring program)
High-risk factors
- Indigenous women
- Young women
- Pregnant women
- Women separating or separated from their partners
- Women with a disability
- Women experiencing financial hardship
(AIHW2017)